HELLO OPERATOR - P.C MAINTENANCE AMERICAN-STYLE

HELLO OPERATOR

Actual call center conversations!

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1200 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

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Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I

need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and

telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the

number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am

traveling in Australia?'

Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)

'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to

change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

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Directory Enquiries

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'

Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland .'

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer: 'OK.'

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this

point?'

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

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Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can

you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.

So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the

customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently

suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words

went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared'

Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I

type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where

the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's

plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that

there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just

one? '

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and

find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into

the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean

way over?'

Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's

because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark?'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is

coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not?'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it

licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and

packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it

up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to

the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

Real Email Traffic re Admin Post Aberdeenshire Council

> > To hoom it mae cunsern,
>
> I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
>
> I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
>
> I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
> Pepole really seam to respond
> to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
>
> I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
>
> My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
>
> I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
>
> hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
>
> Sinseerly,
>
> BRIAN
>
> PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
>
>
> (Embedded image moved to file: pic05705.jpg)
> Employer's response:
>
> Dear Brian ,
>
> It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
>
> See you Monday.
>
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>
To hoom it mae cunsern,
>
> I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
>
> I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
>
> I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
> Pepole really seam to respond
> to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
>
> I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
>
> My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
>
> I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
>
> hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
>
> Sinseerly,
>
> BRIAN
>
> PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
>
>
> (Embedded image moved to file: pic28145.jpg)
> Employer's response:
>
> Dear Brian ,
>
> It's OK honey, we've got spell check.
>
> See you Monday.
>
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Original Creative Writing Available To Read At Triond

Hi folks, you can read more of my creative writing, poetry and short stories, fictional shorts, at online publisher Triond. Just go to www.Triond.com