Thursday 20 December 2007

MAKES YOU THINK!

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the
worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in
charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but
could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to
have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He
is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.'

And a little extra........................

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600
employees and has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

4 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Which organization is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks
out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in
line.

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all you Clavie veterans/bloggers!
Have a very good time over the festive season, Erik. Keep blogging in 2008, I will.

Wednesday 5 December 2007

Volunteering at CAB, News Update

I am now volunteering two half days a week at the Citizens Advice Bureau in the Wellgate Centre near the Central Library. Settling in well, after induction, basic training, and am doing reception cover and database work, updating the CAB's information sources, list of contacts, general information about Council services, doctors and dentists, NHS sites, what's on in Dundee arts/leisure, etc. Going well so far, early days, there may be some paid work available there later in the New Year. Going to temp admin/clerical interview at Abertay University next Wednesday.
Enjoying the Hilltown Writers' Group meets once a week on Wed pm and CD-ROM project with HWG and Central Library every Tues pm. Assembled some good digital photos, artwork, poems and short stories/prose about life in Hilltown, Dundee, changes over the last 50 years, going in to record voiceover and readings at Hilltown FM local radio next Jan 18th.

Monday 19 November 2007

Scotland v Italy reaction

Re the Scotland v Italy game... Can't believe the referee and linesman could award a free kick to Italy for the barge on Hutton, that led to the Italy winning goal. Fair play to Italy, both teams played well and a draw would have been a fair result. Scotland played too much good football to lose, very undeserved final score. A draw would have been fair and would have kept the qualification hopes alive until midweek and the chance of Ukraine beating France. Scotland deserve great credit for playing so well in such a tough group but that's of little consolation right now, as qualification was so close for Euro 2008. Probably, the defeat against Georgia was the main reason for not making it into the top 2 places and qualifying.

Preparing to do some part time voluntary admin IT work at the CAB (Citizens Advice) office at Central Library/Wellgate centre. Had a practice interview session and positive feedback at Remploy's Dundee office, good to know I am on the right lines, begin to wonder sometimes with job interview knockbacks...

Friday 16 November 2007

Hilltown/Dundee CD-ROM Update

CD-ROM taking shape, writing poems, short stories. I spent Monday morning taking digital photos of Hilltown Park, Hilltown, Stirling Street, the Clock, to add to Powerpoint programme; another part of the group took panoramic all-round view photos from the Law. Looking to use Hilltown FM's studio to record voiceover, tour of Highwayman Community Centre where writers' group is based, and for reading the written poems/stories. Could also record a short session for the next Hilltown FM broadcast next Spring. How's the rest of the Clavie bloggers getting on?

Wednesday 24 October 2007

Dundee Images & Poetry Exhibition - The View/CD-ROM

Also, I have contributed a poem to a calendar photos/Hilltown Writers' Group poetry exhibition, the poem is entitled The View, on show now at Arthurstone Library.

In the next few weeks, I - and members of Hilltown Writers' Group and other volunteers - will be adding poems, short stories/prose, graphics, maybe audio and video clips, and blog postings - to a CD-ROM about living in the Hilltown/Stobswell areas in particular, and Dundee life in general. CD-ROM should be available at libraries, community centres around Dundee when complete. Watch this space for more details...

Wednesday 10 October 2007

Visions & Verse - Hilltown Writers Group Display

You can check out my poetry, along with other poems, short stories/prose and photos of the Highwayman Writer's Group in the Hilltown, at an exhibition in the Central Library - opposite the main reception desk on ground floor - from now until the
20th October.

LOST IN TRANSLATION - THE PORCH

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself
out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner
if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said.
"How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she
would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed
it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

Fantasy Football (Times Newspaper) Standings

I have been playing The Times Fantasy Football game since the end of August. Team's climbing the league table after a poor start - will soon be in the top 4 at this rate.

DAE EGGS OVERALL STATS GK/DEF MF/FW
Rank PTG Pts Team CS G/A Def AGA Pts G A SP AGF Pts
1 133 Stiger goalk 8 2 990 1.3321 23 9 2 671 1.8660 47
2 131 Azkaban 11 2 745 1.1146 36 2 6 692 1.1212 45
3 124.5 Ginger Allstars 5 3 970 1.7200 28 8 6 634 1.6179 41
4 122 Ed's champs 7 1 513 0.5604 27 0 7 747 1.4669 48
5 119.5 a long shot 6 2 1,033 1.5479 22 2 3 950 1.7753 43
6 118.5 MJLAFC 7 2 811 0.9890 24 3 1 736 1.6006 44
7 116.5 Milan Foxes 5 0 370 1.0664 17 8 5 744 1.9424 64
8 114.5 EZREDWIN 12 2 925 1.0704 40 2 1 630 1.5093 25
9 113 Team Soye 9 0 598 0.7645 29 1 3 622 1.6839 47
10 111 Team Nuzzo24 6 1 350 0.6193 24 12 3 564 1.8398 42
11 110 Team Morgan 8 2 802 1.1905 34 3 2 701 1.3727 33
12 104.5 stevewhite fc 7 2 526 1.7863 28 4 3 775 1.5184 30
13 103.5 Bees_UTD 4 1 960 1.7726 33 5 4 598 1.5808 44
14 101 Dae Eggs 10 1 661 1.0960 32 7 2 625 1.0601 29
15 98 MADZY'S ALLSTARS 6 0 1,034 1.2440 34 5 2 611 1.1324 40
16 90.5 Jammie Dodgers 9 2 1,082 1.3459 35 1 0 548 1.3017 28
17 89 french reds 11 0 670 1.1082 44 4 2 377 0.9528 26
18 88 My Way 6 0 475 1.2454 17 3 6 785 1.4532 36
19 73.5 Ampstars 5 0 687 1.6993 21 4 1 746 1.3861 39
20 38.5 LWtest1ie 5 0 331 1.1188 20 0 2 574 1.0351 20


List of Abbreviations and Categories
CS - Clean Sheets G - Goals
G/A - Goals/Assists A - Assists
Def - Total of: Interceptions/Catches/ Blocks/Saves/Successful passes SP - Successful passes
AGA - Average Goals Against AGF - Average Goals For
Pts - Points as per the club's results (the total number of points a player's team earns during matches the player has participated in) Pts - Points as per the club's results (the total number of points a player's team earns during matches the player has participated in)


Details at http://playthegame.timesonline.co.uk/soccer/reports/roto_standings.asp

THE BOWL OF WATER

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Some More Funnies...

Subject: Scottish Pick up Lines: Oh the romance eh?
1) Did you fart? Cuz ya jist blew me awa.
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz your pure special.
3) Mah Love fur you is like diarrhea. I canny hudd it in.
4) Di ye huv a library cerd? Cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yur pants? Cuz I can see ma sel in em.
6) If you wurr a tree and I was a Squirrel, I'd store mah nuts in yer hole.
7) You might no be the best lookin girl here but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!' Woman -'WHAT?' Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'
9) I know I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I kin make yur bed-rock.
10) I canny find mah puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went intae this cheap motel room.
11) Yur body reminds me of a spanner... Every time I think of it ma nuts pure tighten up.

Wednesday 3 October 2007

Hi, back in business after food poisoning in late August. Applying for jobs, the odd interview here and there, got a mentor from Remploy who is helpful. Enjoying rugby world cup. Decided to stay in Dundee for further 6 months, will probably move back to Perth then. Will add more blog postings at wk/end.

Tuesday 28 August 2007

CHILD DISCIPLINE 1960 v 2006

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled. 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrest Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled from school even though Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won't stay still in class, disrupts other students. 1960 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a smack on the bum by Principal. After a very short time, sits still in class. 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a thumping. 1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to uni, and becomes a successful and responsible citizen. 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by psychologist "Of course, you remember being abused" and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has affair with psychologist.
Scenario: Mary is pregnant. 1960 - five high school boys leave town. Mary does her final year at a special school for expectant mothers. 2006 - School counsellor contacts Planned Parenthood. Mary gets an abortion. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time, and also kids don't need fathers, anyway.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from cracker night, puts them in a bottle, blows up a red ant hill. 1960 - Ants die. 2006 - Fire brigade and police called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, government investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch-list. Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher Mary who hugs him to comfort him.
1960 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison

Tuesday 21 August 2007

Return Of The Blogger

Greetings bloggers, is anyone reading this blog anymore, of course you all are! Recovering after 7 days of the worst food poisoning I have ever had, in 2 doses, ill last Monday - Wednesday, slight pick-up on Thursday, then very ill with food poisoning - V & D - from Friday to Sunday. 2nd last week of my training course at Claverhouse, progressing fine, Blondie - Heart of Glass - and Queen - Radio Ga Ga - on the stereo. Good taste in music! Keep posting, especially you, Scaryt and leigh and you, Fluffy, D, SR. Keep in touch and watch this space for new postings. Liverpool were, of course, robbed of 2 points by a ridiculous penalty award to Chelsea on Sun. - clearly an accidental collision, except not to the referee. EZ

Sunday 12 August 2007

PERTH FILM SOCIETY NEW SEASON THURSDAYS 7.45 PERTH CONCERT HALL

THE BEAT THAT MY HEART SKIPPED (6 Sept, Cert 15, 102 mins)
Handsome Romain Duris glistens in this Paris gangland thriller
(French with subtitles)

RED ROAD (13 Sept, Cert 18, 110 mins)
Acclaimed Scottish film set in a Glasgow highrise, Andrea Arnold directs

LAKSHYA (27 Sept, Cert 12, 185 mins + interval)
Bollywood comes to Perth, with mega-stars Amitabh Bachchan and Hrithik
Roshan in this war epic. (Hindi with subtitles)

PAN’S LABYRINTH (18 Oct, Cert 15, 119 mins)
Visually stunning fantasy about the Spanish civil war (Spanish with subtitles)

THE DEATH OF MR LAZARESCU (1 Nov, Cert 15, 150mins)
Acclaimed black comedy about the unwell Mr Lazarescu (Romanian with subtitles)

L’ENFANT/THE CHILD (22 Nov, Cert 12A, 100mins)
Story of a new born child, this film is both sensitive & gripping
French with subtitles)

VOLVER (13 Dec, Cert 15, 121 mins)
Vibrant, warm, witty Almodovar film. And Penelope Cruz too!
(Spanish with subtitles)

All films start at 7.45pm in Perth Concert Hall, Norie Miller studio.
Tickets at Horsecross box office (0845 6126320 or email tickets@horsecross.co.uk)
£4.50 at the door or £20 for all 7 films (concession £3.50 or £15 for all 7).
Any questions, please call Susannah (01738 636339) or Lis
01821 642195) or email perthfilmsociety@tiscali.co.uk

FILMS SPONSORED BY OMNIINSTRUMENTS
(www.omniinstruments.co.uk)

Saturday 11 August 2007

Liverpool FC Website

See www.liverpoolfc.tv for details of this evening's opening Premier League win versus Aston Villa, highlights and post-match reaction. Check the league table standings as the season progresses. Good luck to the Reds in their Champions League final round qualifier versus Toulouse next week.

LIVERPOOL OVERCOME VILLA WITH LATE WINNER

GOOD START TO PREMIER LEAGUE SEASON! Liverpool win 2-1 over Aston Villa thanks to a Gerrard free kick 2 minutes before the end of normal time and 2 minutes after Villa had equalised with a penalty. Earlier Villa scored an own goal, after half an hour, to give the Reds a 1-0 half time lead.

Friday 10 August 2007

International Radio Stations at www.live-radio.net

This could be an interesting website, one-stop shop for accessing radio stations, music, speech and arts, from around the world, divided into continental areas. As they say in the blurb...

On the site you will find links to many thousands of radio stations worldwide, all of which, with the correct (free!) software, you will be able to hear via your computer.

The stations you will find on our website will be genuine, proper radio stations which can be heard on a normal radio.

This site is used by many radio stations themselves, including the BBC World Service and the BBC's Monitoring Service.

Tuesday 7 August 2007

Come on Blogger, fix the viruses, system crashes, polls not working, blog entries saving but not really saving, not being published/updated.

Thanks for your advice and expertise, scaryt. Looking forward to some new postings from you, Fluffy and Shadowrebel.

Gobbledygook, gobbledygook, 1234 testing system, go-slow everything grinding to a halt, will this ever publish a new blog entry ever again?

Monday 6 August 2007

Hope you like the new features on the blog. Not much general news to tell you about recently. I am commuting between Dundee (mornings & afternoons) and Perth (evenings & overnight), caring for my Mum whilst my Dad takes a deserved week's holiday at the Nairn Jazz Festival. Have 4 weeks' training left at Claverhouse until 31 Aug. Still trying to update passport and arrange a short break in Paris, via GNER train to London and Eurostar train through Channel Tunnel to Paris.

Am trying to sell a front row stall ticket for the amateur production of 'We Will Rock You' at the Whitehall Theatre, ticket is valid for Tuesday 7 August (tomorrow), time 7.30pm, have put up a poster on the Clavie noticeboard, ticket is £12. Should be someone interested in a ticket. All in a good cause, show is in support of Caring For Kids charity. Keep blogging! - No takers for WWRY musical ticket - I'm surprised! Mumbo jumbo mumbo jumbo system crashing on a go-slow, do I need new login password, new account, is system just very slow?!

Sunday 5 August 2007

The Top 10 Guide To...

Today: The Top 10 Guide To Jazz, Rock & Pop Singers

Agree or disagree, let me know in the Comments link.


LES TROIS PETITS COCHONS (THE 3 LITTLE PIGS) by Erik Zoha

Once upon a time, in a faraway land called France, there were 3 little pigs, who lived in a small village on the edge of rolling hills and rich farmland. They lived a happy life, and got on well with all their neighbours – including the dogs, cats, cows, bulls, sheep and swans.

One pig worked as a carpenter and his house was made of wood.

The second pig was a farmer and his house was made of straw.

The third pig was a builder and his house was made of bricks.

One day, along came a big, bad wolf, jet black in colour, called Napoleon. He wanted to buy the village and farmland, and turn it into a cotton-spinning mill, enslaving the farm animals, and exploiting their labour for only a handful of pennies in pay.

“Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin,” the pigs shouted.

“Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll build an empire, bring down the British army and navy, and declare war on Russia and the Germans,” said Napoleon.

“Fair enough,” said the pigs. “We’ve been reading Karl Marx and have decided to set up our own Communist collective village and then live happily ever after.”

flickrvision (beta)

flickrvision (beta)

Addictive, 'slide show' of photos/pictures posted every second of every day.

Saturday 4 August 2007

DUNNOTTAR CASTLE by Erik Zoha

Perched precariously on 100-foot cliffs between

North Sea and Highland Boundary Fault,

Guarded by a hard mile-long slog down stone steps,

Brooding Dunnottar unravels its contents slowly,

Tardis-like, larger on the inside than out.

Guardhouse, living quarters, barracks, well-preserved

Chapel and tower-house, munitions room,

Half-intact, half-ruined; when complete,

A natural safe-house for Scotland’s Crown Jewels

When Cromwell’s forces put down rebellions, post-Civil War.

Now thousands more Americans, Japanese and European tourists

Invade, armed with digital cameras and camcorders,

Shooting the architecture and spectacular scenery:

Dunnottar’s good looks, captured on-screen, supporting “Hamlet”.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE VIEW by Erik Zoha

Silvery, sinewy concrete span

Bridging the silvery Tay –

Bisecting the photo of Dundee.

Lush, green Fife contrasts with grey-

Toned City of Discovery.

Unloved, unlovely Tayside House

Dominates centre-right, scraping sky

With D.C. Thompson nearby,

Separated by Caird Hall; memories of

Graduation, class of ’89.

Academic and office tower blocks

Jostle for space with church spires

That McGonagall would have described

In compellingly obvious rhyme.

And, in the foreground, ex-DRI, red-hued

And white-toned townhouses

Separated by lofty conifers

From limestone semis and terraces.

A Dundee snapshot overview seems

Devoid of life save for road bridge cars.

Hi everyone, here (above) are some samples of my creative writing, poetry and short stories, that I have been working on at the Highwayman Community Centre, in Dundee's Hilltown. Hope you enjoy them, comments welcome!

Friday 3 August 2007

Welcome to a new feature which will be updated regularly.

The Top 10 Guide To...

Today: The Top 10 Guide To Rock & Pop Groups

Agree or disagree, let me know your views, choices in the Comments link.

Thursday 2 August 2007

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing indespair,he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why so glum?" The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!" "Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun downhere. You a drinking man?" "Sure," the man said, "I love to drink." "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca We drink tillwe throw up and then we drink some more!" The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great.." "You a smoker?" the demon asked. "You better believe it!" "You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?" "Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!" The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble." "Why yes, as a matter of fact I do" "Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?" The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ." "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!" "Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!" The demon said, "You gay?" "No." "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

Monday 30 July 2007

Poor result for Hearts v Barca on Saturday, annoyed Ronaldinho and co by equalising briefly.
Enjoyed Status Quo at Scone Palace yesterday from my parents' house on western fringe of Perth, from a distance of 5 miles away. Rockin' All Over The World indeed.

Sunday 29 July 2007

*SCOTTISH MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007*

*DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007*

*HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL*

GLASGOW REGION

Name...........................................
Nickname......................................

Gangname..............................



1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine to sell. He wants to make 300%
on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection money. How much must
he charge for a gram?

2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance a week if he
ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the wedding will
cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two fish suppers at £3.95 each
every night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie wishes he'd
stayed single?

3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10 minutes when
they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're losing. How many times did
they sing it at last season's Cup Final?

4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000 on the
clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if it had
been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?

5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed. The Flake
got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous convictions
did Fingers have?

EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?





*EDINBURGH** / BORDERS REGION*

Name..........................................
Rugby Club...........................................

Daddy's Company.................................................



1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival Fringe. But
Benji and Adrian BOTH want to go with him. How long does he cry before
giving them the tickets?

2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with Ewan McGregor.
Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat mate at University. A sixth
say that their dad played rugby with Tony Blair's dad and the rest say Sean
Connery was their milkman. Only one is telling the truth, so how many
friends does Peter have?

3. Todd wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh Castle. His daddy
is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Todd becomes the Lord Advocate?

4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex with her
whenever she wants it. Jasmin's Life Coach charges £50 a week but has
refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women weighs 19 stone?

5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is someone begging
for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles an hour. How long will it
take if you tell them all to sod off and work for a living?





**HIGHLANDS** REGION*

Name.................................. Glen...............................
Clan ...........................................



1. After Hector's death, Archie has to pay Death Duty on Glenbogle. With
25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the first 15,000acres and 90p per
acre for the remainder, including VAT. How many people actually give a toss?

2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a Tartan Shop in
Inverness if he has any Scottish Geneaology. How long does it take to flog
him full Highland dress and matching kilts for his wife and 10 kids?

3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region end to end,
how many people would be surprised?

4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each foot weighed
27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your
exclusive story and pictures?

Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will be here as soon as the Cockbridge - Tomintoul road re-opens in the spring!

Friday 27 July 2007

Paris Travel Blogs

Hi, any good Paris travel blogs out there with advice on sightseeing, tours, value for money hotels, places to eat, etc? Would like to take Eurostar train from London Waterloo to Paris, spend a few days in the capital, take a train to Marseilles or the French Alps. Just best to Google Paris blogs, I suppose, have a good wk/end. United unlucky to lose to Barca in the 90th minute, Thierry Henry penalty, maybe Hearts will have better luck playing at Murrayfield.

Wednesday 25 July 2007

Good luck to Dundee United and Hearts as they face the mighty Barcelona in their friendlies at Tannadice and Murrayfield this week. Completed the Blog/Internet training course at Claverhouse, Dundee and am now taking useful, practical and interesting Energy Efficiency course at the same venue.

Tuesday 24 July 2007

  • You couldn't make it up, what people say...

From letters sent to the Council Housing Department:

  • 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.>>
  • 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.>>
  • 3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.>>
  • 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.>>
  • 5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.>>
  • 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.>>
  • 7. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.>>
  • 8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?>>
  • 9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.>>
  • 10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.>>
  • 11. 50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.>>
  • 12. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.>>
  • 13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.>>
  • 14 Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.>>
  • 15 Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.>>
  • 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.>>
  • 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.>>
  • 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.>>
  • 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.>>
  • 20. I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.>>
  • 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Sunday 22 July 2007

Flickr: Search

Flickr: Search

Flickr: Search

Hi, enjoyed a rare cinema screening of The Wicker Man by Perth Film Society at Perth Concert Hall (Britt Ekland, Christopher Lee etc, pagan rituals, sacrifice etc) followed by an interesting re-interpretation of the film by a local video/computer artist, mixing sound from the original soundtrack with his own video/computerised/animated images using 2 laptops, an iPod & sound mixing desk.
PS Good to see a European winning the Open golf championship at Carnoustie, Padraig Harrington (Ireland) beating Sergio Garcia (Spain) after finishing level after 72 holes plus a 4-hole play-off. Good news for the local Angus economy too, with all the golfing and media visitors.

Wednesday 18 July 2007

Also, you could check out the following sites:

www.edfringe.com Edinburgh Fringe Festival events/info;

www.horsecross.co.uk Perth Concert Hall/Perth Theatre events/info;

http://www.horsecross.co.uk/index.php?option=com_events&task=view_detail&agid=520&year=2007&month=07&day=21&Itemid=61

Special screening of film classic The Wicker Man by Perth Film Society, followed by a new interpretation using digital and computer technology.

www.woodlandsdanceorchestra.co.uk Big band and Motown/pop music played by top local big band & vocalists, available for functions in Dundee, Angus, Perthshire, Fife.

Check out these links, if interested.

http://www.liverpoolfc.tv/

http://www.snp.org

http://www.greenpeace.org

Monday 16 July 2007

Hi All,



Blondie at Edin. Castle excellent 9/10 - 10/10 for band performance and Debbie's stage presence, singing; loses a mark for torrential rain, venue only being 85% full, crowd slow to get into the vibe. Storming set of 20+ greatest hits including Atomic, Sunday Girl, Maria, Rapture, The Tide Is High, Call Me, Denis and, of course, Heart of Glass. Debbie Harry still a rock chick at the grand old age of 62. Quote from Debbie: "You can't stop the rain and you can't stop Blondie!" Good support from Echo and the Bunnymen.

Thursday 12 July 2007

To get it right, it should be http://borhapqueen.blogspot.com Danke schon, merci, gracias.

To get political, the UK needs to pull out the armed forces from Iraq and Afghanistan, and concentrate on home affairs - the economy, creating jobs and new housing, proper flood prevention measures, environmental measures to tackle climate change, tackling terrorism and crime in the UK. Erik (borhapqueen)

NB Error in registering my blog address, should be borhapqueen@blogspot.com Muchos gracias mes amigos.

Tuesday 10 July 2007

Greetings bloggers! This is Erik Zoha in Dundee, Scotland, learning blog design via SLA 2.0
A lifelong Liverpool FC fan, I enjoy live rock/pop music gigs, including Queen, Scissor Sisters & Blondie, jazz gigs, writing poetry and short stories, visiting museums and art galleries, politics, media/journaism, history, archaeology and landscape photography.

My family live in Perth and I have relations in Orkney Islands, India, Australia and New Zealand. I enjoy meeting friends and drinking quality New World red wine, malt whisky and continental lager. I chaired Perth Film Society for 2 seasons, Cttee Member for 5. As a MA graduate of Dundee University - Modern History & American Studies - I am searching for administration/IT software employment, preferably linked to the media, politics, or historical research.

Looking forward to seeing Debbie Harry and Blondie live at Edinburgh Castle Esplanade this Friday 13th July (support by Echo & The Bunnymen). Anyone know what the setlist is for the UK tour?

Views on politics, current affairs, etc to follow...

borhapchouse

[Photo]Erik in Dundee again.Enjoy a glass or two of New World Oz/NZ/South American red wine with family and friends, also a dram of malt whisky, or bottled Continental lager. Enjoy eating curries, Italian, French, Chinese food.Supporting the SNP politically, I firmly believe Scotland needs independence to thrive as a nation, member state of the EU.I enjoy taking landscape photos, visiting the rugged North West Highlands of Scotland, around Ullapool, Gairloch and Lochinver - great mountain scenery including An Teallach, Liathach/Torridon, Suilven and Stac Pollaidh/Assynt.