• You couldn't make it up, what people say...

From letters sent to the Council Housing Department:

• 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.>>
• 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.>>
• 3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.>>
• 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.>>
• 5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.>>
• 6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.>>
• 7. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.>>
• 8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?>>
• 9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.>>
• 10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.>>
• 11. 50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.>>
• 12. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.>>
• 13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.>>
• 14 Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.>>
• 15 Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.>>
• 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.>>
• 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.>>
• 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.>>
• 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.>>
• 20. I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.>>
• 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.