Dundee Images & Poetry Exhibition - The View/CD-ROM

Also, I have contributed a poem to a calendar photos/Hilltown Writers' Group poetry exhibition, the poem is entitled The View, on show now at Arthurstone Library.

In the next few weeks, I - and members of Hilltown Writers' Group and other volunteers - will be adding poems, short stories/prose, graphics, maybe audio and video clips, and blog postings - to a CD-ROM about living in the Hilltown/Stobswell areas in particular, and Dundee life in general. CD-ROM should be available at libraries, community centres around Dundee when complete. Watch this space for more details...

Visions & Verse - Hilltown Writers Group Display

You can check out my poetry, along with other poems, short stories/prose and photos of the Highwayman Writer's Group in the Hilltown, at an exhibition in the Central Library - opposite the main reception desk on ground floor - from now until the
20th October.

LOST IN TRANSLATION - THE PORCH

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself
out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner
if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said.
"How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she
would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed
it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

Fantasy Football (Times Newspaper) Standings

I have been playing The Times Fantasy Football game since the end of August. Team's climbing the league table after a poor start - will soon be in the top 4 at this rate.

DAE EGGS OVERALL STATS GK/DEF MF/FW
Rank PTG Pts Team CS G/A Def AGA Pts G A SP AGF Pts 1 133 Stiger goalk 8 2 990 1.3321 23 9 2 671 1.8660 47
2 131 Azkaban 11 2 745 1.1146 36 2 6 692 1.1212 45
3 124.5 Ginger Allstars 5 3 970 1.7200 28 8 6 634 1.6179 41
4 122 Ed's champs 7 1 513 0.5604 27 0 7 747 1.4669 48
5 119.5 a long shot 6 2 1,033 1.5479 22 2 3 950 1.7753 43
6 118.5 MJLAFC 7 2 811 0.9890 24 3 1 736 1.6006 44
7 116.5 Milan Foxes 5 0 370 1.0664 17 8 5 744 1.9424 64
8 114.5 EZREDWIN 12 2 925 1.0704 40 2 1 630 1.5093 25
9 113 Team Soye 9 0 598 0.7645 29 1 3 622 1.6839 47
10 111 Team Nuzzo24 6 1 350 0.6193 24 12 3 564 1.8398 42
11 110 Team Morgan 8 2 802 1.1905 34 3 2 701 1.3727 33
12 104.5 stevewhite fc 7 2 526 1.7863 28 4 3 775 1.5184 30
13 103.5 Bees_UTD 4 1 960 1.7726 33 5 4 598 1.5808 44
14 101 Dae Eggs 10 1 661 1.0960 32 7 2 625 1.0601 29
15 98 MADZY'S ALLSTARS 6 0 1,034 1.2440 34 5 2 611 1.1324 40
16 90.5 Jammie Dodgers 9 2 1,082 1.3459 35 1 0 548 1.3017 28
17 89 french reds 11 0 670 1.1082 44 4 2 377 0.9528 26
18 88 My Way 6 0 475 1.2454 17 3 6 785 1.4532 36
19 73.5 Ampstars 5 0 687 1.6993 21 4 1 746 1.3861 39
20 38.5 LWtest1ie 5 0 331 1.1188 20 0 2 574 1.0351 20


List of Abbreviations and Categories
CS - Clean Sheets G - Goals
G/A - Goals/Assists A - Assists
Def - Total of: Interceptions/Catches/ Blocks/Saves/Successful passes SP - Successful passes
AGA - Average Goals Against AGF - Average Goals For
Pts - Points as per the club's results (the total number of points a player's team earns during matches the player has participated in) Pts - Points as per the club's results (the total number of points a player's team earns during matches the player has participated in)

Details at http://playthegame.timesonline.co.uk/soccer/reports/roto_standings.asp

THE BOWL OF WATER

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Some More Funnies...

Subject: Scottish Pick up Lines: Oh the romance eh?
1) Did you fart? Cuz ya jist blew me awa.
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz your pure special.
3) Mah Love fur you is like diarrhea. I canny hudd it in.
4) Di ye huv a library cerd? Cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yur pants? Cuz I can see ma sel in em.
6) If you wurr a tree and I was a Squirrel, I'd store mah nuts in yer hole.
7) You might no be the best lookin girl here but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!' Woman -'WHAT?' Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'
9) I know I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I kin make yur bed-rock.
10) I canny find mah puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went intae this cheap motel room.
11) Yur body reminds me of a spanner... Every time I think of it ma nuts pure tighten up.

Hi, back in business after food poisoning in late August. Applying for jobs, the odd interview here and there, got a mentor from Remploy who is helpful. Enjoying rugby world cup. Decided to stay in Dundee for further 6 months, will probably move back to Perth then. Will add more blog postings at wk/end.